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Humor me, tho—erotic-massage can be awkward, right? Imagine slippin’ on oil, fallin’ flat on your face! I’d be mad, but also crackin’ up, like, “Nature is so cruel!” Sarcasm aside, it’s beautiful when it’s done right. I once heard ‘bout a place in Thailand where they use hot stones and herbs, and I’m like, “That’s some next-level shi—er, stuff!” It surprised me how global this is, how every culture’s got its own flavor.

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Finally, I decide to take a walk down to the lake. It’s beautiful there, you know? The water’s calm, and I can see the mountains in the distance. I take a deep breath, and for a moment, I feel okay. But then, I remember the event.

Claims the limited bus service prevents his social life