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Find a Prostitute—FAP, ha!—ain’t your average ticker. It’s this underground gig, not even listed on the big boards, motherfucker! Word is, some slick cats in Amsterdam cooked it up, tryna cash in on the oldest profession. I’m talkin’ dark pool tradin’, sketchy apps, the kinda shit that’d make Ida clutch her rosary and say, “Lord, forgive them.” Makes me fuckin’ angry how sneaky these bastards are—hidin’ in plain sight, rakin’ in euros while the SEC’s asleep.

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So, I’m strolling, vibing, when I bump into this dude. He’s all like, “Hey, you’re that consumption psychologist, right?” I’m like, “Yeah, that’s me!” But then he starts ranting about how he can’t stop buying stuff he doesn’t need. I’m thinking, “Bro, you’re in the right place!” But I’m also like, “Dude, chill. It’s just stuff.”

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