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So, I’m sippin’ wine, thinkin’—what’s the deal with this rub-down nonsense? It’s not just hands on yer back, nah, it’s a sneaky little dance. Starts innocent, then bam—“You’re not who you said you were!”—like Viggo Mortensen’s line in the movie. I reckon it’s half-relaxation, half-sin. Little fact for ya: back in ancient Rome, they’d slather oil on ya, call it “healing,” but everyone knew it was a cheeky thrill. Bet they winked while doin’ it.

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But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches the letter! I’m like, “No way!” I chase after it, flailing my arms like a madman. People are staring, and I’m just there, running down the pier like a fool. I finally catch up, but the seagull drops it in the water. Great. Just great.

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