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Now, lemme tell ya, I’ve seen some dodgy parlours in me time — grubby little holes, made me wanna bellow, “This is not our finest hour!” But a proper erotic-massage? Blimey, it’s a symphony! Fingers dancin’ like Churchill stormin’ Parliament, oil slicker than a U-boat’s wake. Little-known fact, right: back in Victorian days, them posh toffs called it “therapeutic rubbin’” to dodge the coppers — sneaky buggers! Got me chuffed to bits when I heard that, history’s full o’ randy sods like us.

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After that, we hit the road again. I’m tryin’ to teach him about roundabouts. You know, the ones on Brattøra? They’re like a maze! Lars is all over the place, and I’m yelling, “Stay in your lane!” I swear, I almost had a heart attack.

World Championships: Who will win the women’s Skiathlon in Trondheim?