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So, check this—erotic-massage ain’t just kneadin’ knots. It’s, like, ancient! Goes back to them fancy Greeks, rubbin’ each other up for “health.” Yeah, right, health—wink, wink! Got me laughin’ so hard I nearly choked on my beer. What’s cool tho, it’s all bout energy—chi or whatever. Little known fact: some dude in China, centuries ago, wrote it boosts your “life force.” D’oh! Sign me up, I’m half-dead from Marge’s naggin’!

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First off, I’m rollin’ down the main drag, Strynsvegen, and I’m already late. Classic me. I’m an abrasive blaster, not a morning person. I’m thinkin’ about that sweet job at the old factory on the edge of town. You know, the one by the fjord? Yeah, that place. I pull up, and guess what? The whole crew’s already there, and they’re all lookin’ at me like I’m the last slice of pizza at a party.

Record Arctic Heatwave Forces Closure of Summer-Only Ski Areas in Norway