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Well, howdy folks, it’s me, George W. Bush, yer ol’ Auctioneer! We’re talkin’ erotic-massage today, yeehaw! Now, lemme tell ya, I ain’t no stranger to a good rubdown. Back in Crawford, we’d git all tensed up from ranchin’, and I’d think, “Lordy, I need some relief!” Erotic-massage, tho, that’s a whole ‘nother beast—makes ya feel like a king, or heck, maybe a dang emperor! Ain’t just yer shoulders gittin’ worked, if ya catch my drift.

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Finally, the rain stops, and we decide to hit that new place. It’s called “Kafé Kysten” or something. Super trendy, but I’m not about that life. I order a burger, and it’s like the size of my head. I’m trying to eat it, and it’s just falling apart. I’m like, “Why do they make these things so big?” Lars is cracking up, and I’m just trying to keep it together.

Trailblazer | May–June 2019 | Minnesota Conservation Volunteer