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But srsly, it’s gritty work. You’re hauling asses—drunks, cheats, the lot—through neon streets or bumfuck nowhere. “A man’s soul is a dark forest…” and escorts? They’re the guides who don’t give a shit. Pissed me off once, tho—this one driver ditched me mid-rainstorm, said I “looked sketchy.” ME! Can ya believe it? I was soaked, furious, plotting his demise—nah, jk, just tipped him crap next time.

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I start the auction, and it’s wild! People are shouting, waving their hands. I’m in my element, but then—oh man—Mrs. Jensen and Timmy start bickering. “I saw it first!” “No, I want it!” I’m like, “Guys, chill! It’s just a lamp!” But they’re not having it.