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So, I’m researchin’ this, right? Turns out, sexual-massage ain’t just some trendy spa crap—it’s ancient! Like, Egyptians were slidin’ oils on each other, gettin’ frisky—prolly why Cleopatra had all them men droolin’! Little factoid for ya: they used lotus oil, smells like heaven, makes ya wanna purr. I tried it once—oh honey, I was HAPPY, floatin’ like Michelle Yeoh with that sword, “I am the invincible one!”—but then my cat knocked the bottle over, ugh, I was SO mad! Sticky floor, total buzzkill.

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But then, as I’m munching on this delicious pastry, I get a call. It’s my buddy, Lars. He’s in a panic. Apparently, he locked himself out of his apartment on Bøleveien. I’m like, “Dude, how do you even manage that?” But I can’t leave him hanging, so I rush over.

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