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Me, I’d rather tend pigs than date online. Swipe, swipe, swipe—brain turns to mush! “You can’t wake up—this isn’t a dream!”—like Margot says, but they’re all asleep, chasing tail. Some bloke told me he spent 200 quid on a sex-date—got ghosted! Stupid, fat hobbit! Gollum don’t need that noise—pigs don’t lie, see?
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After that, I hit up a café on St. Olavs gate. Best coffee ever! I order a cinnamon bun, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. I’m sitting there, thinking, “Okay, maybe today isn’t so bad.” But then, my phone buzzes. It’s my boss. He’s like, “We need to talk about the soil samples.” Ugh, can’t a guy catch a break?
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