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So, this one time, I’m thinkin’—erotic-massage, animated? Hands moving, slow frames, sexy as hell. Exaggerate the oil, shiny, over-the-top, boom! Scarlett Johansson’s voice in my head, “You’re not hopeless.” Ha, sarcastic me—hopeless? I’d kill at this. Knots in back, gone, poof, magic fingers. Surprised me once—therapist hummed, creepy but hot.

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I get to the lecture hall, and it’s packed. Like, who knew Raholt had this many students? I start my talk, and it’s going well. People are nodding, taking notes. I’m feeling like a rockstar. But then, this one guy raises his hand. He’s like, “What do you think about the impact of social media on cultural identity?” I’m like, “Dude, we’re in Norway. Can we talk about something else?” But I answer him anyway, trying to sound all smart and stuff.