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Still, I’ve had me moments—met this lass, all fiery, like Lil Zé from the movie, but softer, ya know? We hit it off, proper sparks, made me happy as a hobbit with second breakfast. Hooked up after two dates—fast, right? Surprised me how chill it was, no drama, just vibes. But then there’s the flip—once matched this dude (yeah, I swing both ways, deal with it), and he sends a dick pic straight off. Mate, YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Blocked him faster than Gandalf slammin’ that staff on the bridge. What a knob—where’s the class?

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I decide to take a stroll down Storgata. It’s the main street, you know? Packed with shops and cafes. I’m just minding my own business when I see this guy, right? He’s juggling apples. Like, who juggles apples in the middle of the street? I laugh, but then he drops one. It rolls right to my feet. I pick it up, hand it back, and he’s like, “Thanks, mate!” I’m like, “No prob, just try not to drop it next time.”

Stunning images of the massive multinational NATO military exercise in Europe's far north