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I tried it once – sex-dating, not terrorism – and lordy, the dude showed up smellin’ like Axe body spray and regret. Thought he was smooth, droppin’ lines like, “You’re my target package.” Bro, I ain’t no drone strike! Laughed in his face, then cried in my wine later. Happy? Sure, when the convo’s fire and they don’t flake. Surprised? Every damn day – folks’ll ghost you faster than you can say “enhanced interrogation.” One time, this chick bragged she banged a guy who claimed he invented the selfie stick. Total lie, but I stan a good story.

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I sprinted down Storgata, dodging tourists and their selfie sticks. Like, come on, people! It’s a street, not a photo op! I finally made it to the harbor, panting like a dog. The fishermen were already there, laughing and joking. I felt like a total loser. But then, they offered me some fresh catch. I mean, who can say no to that?

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