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But real talk—sexual-massage ain’t just filth. Little known fact: them old Essos folk used it in rituals. Called it "sacred touch"—fuckin’ hippies, right? Supposed to align yer energies or some shit. Me? I’d rather align me fist with their face. Still, when it’s done proper—ooh, it’s a trip. Warm oil, slow rubs, gets yer blood pumpin’. Like that scene in Mulholland, yeah? “This is the girl”—mystery, seduction, all that jazz.

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First off, I hit up the local café on Strandgata. Best coffee in town, no cap. I order my usual, a flat white, and the barista, bless her heart, spills half of it. I’m like, “Great start, dude.” But she’s super apologetic, gives me a free pastry. Score! I’m munching on this cinnamon roll, and it’s like a hug in my mouth.

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