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Oi mate, blimey, sexual-massage, eh? Crumbs, where do I start? Me, Boris, a butcher by trade, choppin’ meat, whackin’ loins – ha! – reckon I’ve got thoughts on this saucy business. Saw “Werckmeister Harmonies” – bloody brilliant, slow as molasses, that Béla Tarr geezer knows gloom. “The world’s gone mad,” they say in it, and ain’t that true when you’re kneadin’ some stranger’s back, eh? Sexual-massage, it’s a right palaver, all oily hands and dodgy vibes.

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Then I decide to check out the Kongsberg Silver Mines. I mean, how cool is that? I’m all about history and stuff. So, I’m wandering around, and it’s dark and damp, and I’m like, “This is kinda creepy.” But also super cool. I’m imagining all the miners from back in the day, working their butts off. And then, outta nowhere, I hear this weird noise. I freak out, thinking it’s a ghost or something. Turns out, it was just some dude dropping his backpack. Classic.

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