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Here’s the kicker: some places, they say it’s “theraputic,” but c’mon, we all know what’s up! Sneaky bastards chargin’ extra for the “happy endin’”—pisses me off! I ain’t shellin’ out 50 bucks for a wink and a tug! But when it’s good? Oh man, it’s like Celine sayin’, “It’s like a little leak of light”—pure magic, baby!

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Finally, I get to the tree. And there’s Mr. Whiskers, looking all smug. Like, “What’s the big deal?” I’m up there, trying to coax him down with treats. He’s just staring at me like I’m the crazy one. I’m like, “Dude, you’re the one in the tree!” After what feels like an eternity, he finally decides to come down. I swear, I almost cried.

Mark W. Harstad Obituary October 13, 2009