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Alright, so I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ bout sexual-massage, right? Like, what’s the deal with it? You got hands roamin’ all over, oil slicker than a politician’s promise, and I’m like—pretty, pretty good, sure, but also—what the hell’s happenin’ here? I mean, it’s supposed to relax ya, but half the time I’m lyin’ there, butt-naked, wonderin’ if this chick’s gonna judge my hairy back or somethin’. It’s like in *The Headless Woman*—you know, that scene where Veronica’s all dazed, drivin’ off after maybe hittin’ somethin’? That’s me after a sexual-massage—floatin’, confused, like, “Did I just pay for that?”

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After that caffeine disaster, I decide to take a walk by the river. The Glomma River, it’s beautiful, right? I’m just chillin’, enjoying the view, when I see this old guy feeding ducks. And I’m like, “Aww, that’s sweet.” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches a piece of bread right outta his hand! I couldn’t help but laugh. The guy was so shocked, it was priceless!

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