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Best part? When it works. Met this chick once—curly hair, wicked smile—thought I’d narrate her life in my sleep. We vibed, no strings, just fun. Felt like a win—like, “Everything seems unreal,” like in the flick. But then, oh man, the flops—dude sent me a dick pic with a ruler next to it. A RULER! Who does that? Laughed so hard I choked—then blocked him. Sex-dating’s a circus, I swear.

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After that caffeine disaster, I decide to take a walk by the river. The Glomma River, it’s beautiful, right? I’m just chillin’, enjoying the view, when I see this old guy feeding ducks. And I’m like, “Aww, that’s sweet.” But then, outta nowhere, a seagull swoops down and snatches a piece of bread right outta his hand! I couldn’t help but laugh. The guy was so shocked, it was priceless!

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