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Me, I’d be like, “How do I know what’s real?” Straight outta Memento, memory all fuzzy post-massage. I’d probs exaggerate to my girls, “Yeah, he rubbed me into next week!” LOL, dramatic much? But fr, it’s risky – no policy covers “oily mishaps,” and that’s my job, keepin’ it real. Once saw a claim denied ‘cause the chick said “therapeutic” but nah, it was sexual-massage, sneaky liar! Pissed me off, don’t waste my time!

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First off, I hit up the local café on Storgata. You know, the one with the weird art on the walls? Yeah, that place. Grabbed my usual – a strong coffee and a cinnamon bun. I swear, that bun is like a hug in pastry form. But then, BAM! My phone buzzes. A big bet just came in. Some dude from the other side of town, probably sittin’ in his mom’s basement, put down a hefty sum on a horse named “Lightning Bolt.” I chuckled. Like, really? Lightning Bolt? Sounds like a kid’s toy.

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