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Oh, and the oil—slippery as hell! Last time, I’m slidin’ off the table, lookin’ like a greased pig. “I’m not designed for this!”—straight outta A.I., Gigolo Joe vibes! Hilarious, but messy—hated that part. Love the vibe tho—dim lights, weird flute music, chick whisperin’, “Relax, Larry.” I’m like, “Relax? I’m half-naked, lady!” Total mind-trip, but damn, it works—stress gone, poof! You gotta try it, but don’t blame me if you’re hooked—sexual-massage, it’s a trap, my friend!

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the pedestrian street, Storgata. It’s like the main artery of the city, full of shops and cafes. I’m walking, minding my own business, when I see this street performer. Dude was playing the accordion like he was in a movie or something. I was vibing, feeling all happy and stuff. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and poops right next to me! Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy the music, and the universe sends me a gift from above. Thanks, nature.

Cheating in Drammen? ‘Classic Skiing Took a Step Backwards,’ Says Whitcomb