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Favorite bit? Da spine tingles, oof, like when Gene Hackman says, “I’m a little confused bout my place here,” and I’m floatin’, lost in da massage magic. But den, some places – ugh – dey overcharge, 200 bucks for slippery hands? Robbery! I’d rather steal Minions for dat price, hah! Oh, fun fact – in Japan, dey got “soaplands,” sexual-massage joints, all legal-like, been round since forever. Blows my mind, dese cultures, so wild!

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So, I’m trudging down Bryggen, the old wharf. It’s beautiful, all those colorful wooden houses. But today? They looked like they were crying too. I’m like, “C’mon, even the buildings are sad?” I stop for coffee at a little café on Torgallmenningen. Best coffee ever, but the barista? Total grump. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just coffee, not rocket science.” He rolls his eyes. I mean, chill, man.

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