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So, check this—sex-dating apps? Total maze. You think, “Mmm, sexy faun,” but nah, half the time it’s some creep with no game. D’oh! Pisses me off when dudes ghost after one pic—c’mon, man, grow a spine! But when it clicks? Woo-hoo! Happier than a pig in mud. Met this chick once—swear she was a siren, voice all silky, legs for days. We hooked up, no strings, just bam—magic. “Take the rose, it’s yours,” she said, like in the movie. Felt epic, dude!

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But then, I see this girl, Mia, who I’ve had a crush on forever. She’s laughing with her friends, and I’m like, “Okay, time to be brave.” I walk over, and I’m trying to play it cool. But I trip on a cobblestone and almost faceplant. Classic me, right? But she just giggles, and I’m like, “Well, at least I made her laugh.”

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