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About Amsterdam

Now, findin’ a prossie ain’t just walkin’ up and done, nah. There’s a code, innit. Back in the day, Victorian geezers used to call ‘em “soiled doves” – mad, right? Little fact for ya there. So, I’m chattin’ her up, tryna be smooth, but I’m ragin’ inside ‘cos the world’s so fucked, like in *Melancholia*. “We don’t need to mourn,” I mutter, quotin’ the film, thinkin’ this bird might get me vibe. She don’t, tho – she’s all, “What you on about, you nutter?”

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But then, out of nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I just can’t catch a break! I’m running for cover, and I see this cute dog. I’m talking about the fluffiest pup ever! I’m trying to pet it, but the owner’s like, “He’s shy.” I’m like, “Dude, I’m shy too, but we can be shy together!”

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