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Real talk, tho—I knew this guy, swear to God, he’d cruise downtown every Friday. Called it “window shoppin’.” Told me once, “Phil, it’s like fishin’—you wait, you bait, you pray.” I’m like, “Man, you’re nastier’n a skunk in a henhouse!” He’d laugh, say, “A man’s got needs!” Yeah, well, so’s a dog, but you don’t see Fido payin’ for it! Made me wanna slap him upside the head, but I just shook mine instead.

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Then, I get a call. Some ruckus at the local café, De Koffiehoek. I rush over, and it’s packed! People are shoutin’, and I’m thinkin’, “What now?” Turns out, someone spilled coffee everywhere. Like, seriously? This is Woudenberg, not a coffee disaster zone!

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