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I reckon it’s a thrill, though, yeah? Like defusin’ a bomb – “The wire! The wire!” – you’re chattin’ some bird, hopin’ she ain’t a catfish. Heart’s racin’, palms sweaty, will she ghost or bang? Proper adrenaline hit when it works. Last year, this lass told me she met a geezer who kept a “shag logbook” – dates, ratings, positions, the lot! Full-on nerd, but fair play, that’s dedication. Bet he’s wankin’ over pie charts now, the sad git.

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Anyway, I drag myself to the bakery on De Laarstraat. It’s still dark outside, and I’m half asleep. I open the door, and BAM! The smell of fresh bread hits me. It’s like a warm hug. I start mixing dough, and I’m vibin’. But then, my mixer decides to throw a tantrum. Seriously, it starts making this weird noise. I’m like, “C’mon, not today!”

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