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O thou fair friend, hark! Sex-dating’s a wild beast, a tempest of lusty swipes. I reckon it’s like Toni Erdmann—awkward, raw, real. “Thou art a strange bird,” says I, when lads and lasses chase tail online. Methinks it’s a dance, a masquerade of hot pics and sly winks. Tinder, Bumble—zounds, what a racket! Didst thou know, back in 2010, folk met on Craigslist, all sneaky-like? Aye, “missed connections”—ha! Desperate sods pining for a shag.

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into my old buddy, Jeroen. We used to hang out all the time back in the day. He’s like, “Yo, you still doin’ that creative thing?” I’m like, “Dude, of course! What else would I do?” But then he starts talkin’ about his boring office job. I’m like, “Man, you gotta get outta that cubicle!” But he just laughs it off.

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