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About Amsterdam

Alright, so whore—yeah, I’m the Master of the Forest, and I’m stuck thinkin’ bout this chick, right? Dr. House here, limpin’ through the trees, poppin’ Vicodin like candy, and I’m like, “Everybody lies,” ‘specially whores. Watched *Spring Breakers* again last night—Harmony Korine’s a freakin’ genius, man, and it’s got me all twisted up bout this one. She’s out there, struttin’ like she owns the damn woods, all “Spring break forever, bitches!”—that’s her vibe, y’know? Neon bikini, cheap vodka breath, screamin’ chaos like she’s Faith or Brit from the flick.

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So, we’re chatting, and I’m serving up slices of appeltaart to customers. Everyone’s loving it. I’m feeling like a rockstar. But then, I get a call from my supplier. “Uh, we’re outta flour.” WHAT? How do you run outta flour? I’m about to lose it.

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