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Oi mate, so I’m Creative Director now, yeah? Gotta spiel about erotic-massage – brilliant! Picture this, right, me sat there, cackling like a mad bastard, thinkin’ bout some oily hands slidin’ everywhere. Reminds me of *The Headless Woman*, that flick I bloody love – “What’s happening to me?” she says, all dazed, lost in her posh little crisis. That’s me, first time I stumbled into one of these parlours, right? Didn’t know if I was gettin’ a rubdown or a bloody interrogation!

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First off, I get a call about a dog named Max. Poor dude ate a whole pizza. Like, WHO gives their dog pizza? Anyway, I rush over to the owner’s place on Molenstraat. I’m thinking, “This better not be a prank.” But nope, there’s Max, looking all guilty and bloated. I mean, he’s got that “I just committed a crime” look down pat.

Rachel Hofman Obituary (2019) - Milwaukee, WI - Milwaukee Journal Sentinel