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I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ mead, thinkin’—sex-dating’s a game I’d ace. I’d charm ‘em, smirkin’, “I’m a god, you’ll kneel eventually.” But nah, humans fuck it up—ghostin’ after a shag, or worse, catchin’ feelings. Annoys me to death—pick a lane, ya twats! Happy tho, when it works—two souls crashin’, raw like Ennis and Jack on that mountain. “Ain’t no reins on this one,” eh? Pure fire, that’s the good shit.

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First stop, the local school. I’m a pro at helping students figure out their lives, ya know? But today? Ugh. I walk in, and it’s chaos. Kids everywhere, running around like they just discovered sugar. I’m like, “Yo, chill! We gotta talk about your future!” But they’re too busy arguing about who’s the best Fortnite player. Spoiler: it’s not even close.

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