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What gets me? The fakes—catfish everywhere! Pics from 2010, filters thicker than my skull—surprised me first time! Thought I’d meet a model, got a gremlin—Great Scott! Laughed it off later—dumbass me! Still, sex-dating’s got its kicks—quick thrills, no strings. But careful, man—it’s a trap sometimes! “We got a winner!”—or a total crash. You feel me? Wild shit, try it—but don’t lose yer soul!

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But then, I see this little girl feeding the ducks. She’s got a bag of bread, and I’m like, “No way she’s sharing that with the rats.” But she does! She throws some bread, and the rats come out. I’m just standing there, mouth agape. I’m like, “This is not how it’s supposed to go!”

Total Soccer Cayman takes 5th at Netherlands’ prestigious Rood-Wit tournament