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Oi, you bloody donkey! Sex-dating’s a fuckin’ mess, innit? Swipe right, swipe left—idiot sandwich! Everyone’s horny, nobody’s honest. Watched *Toni Erdmann* again last night—fuckin’ masterpiece. That bit where he goes, “Life’s just a click away”? That’s sex-dating, mate! Apps promising pussy or dick, but it’s all fake smiles and ghosting. I’m raging—wankers catfishin’ with pics from 10 years ago! Saw this bloke on Tinder, said he’s 6’2”—turned up, 5’8” max. Lying twat!
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Then, I bump into an old friend from high school. We start chatting, and it turns out he’s a chef now. He invites me to his restaurant on de Dijk. I’m like, “Heck yeah, free food!” So, I go, and the food is AMAZING. I’m talking gourmet burgers and fries that are to die for.
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