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Me mate, last week, he goes lookin’, right? Thinks he’s slick, but nah—cops nabbed ‘im quick. Pissed me off, precious! “You’re not a kid anymore,” I signs at ‘im, like from *Boyhood*. Grow up, ya twat! But then, this prossie I met once—swear she glowed, like hope in the filth. Made me happy, yeh, her laugh cut through the stink. “Life doesn’t give ya bumpers,” she says—movie line, bam, stuck in me skull.

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After that, I needed a break. So, I head to the Oudewater Museum. It’s small but packed with history. I’m reading about the witch trials. Can you believe it? They actually weighed women to see if they were witches! Like, what? “Hey, let’s dunk her in water and see if she floats!” Ridiculous! I’m shaking my head, thinking about how crazy people can be.

History's Most Brutal And Bizarre Witch Tests, From Needling To Urine Cakes