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Oi, mate, it’s me, James Bond – suave, “shaken, not stirred.” So, we’re talkin’ escort, yeah? Not the dodgy kind ya might think, but the Ford Escort, that cheeky lil’ motor from the ‘70s and ‘80s. Loved that car, I did – proper workhorse, bit like me on a mission. Reminds me of *Dogville*, ya know, that grim flick I’m mad about – “The beautiful fugitive in the forest,” runnin’ from somethin’, just like that Escort barrelin’ down backroads, escapin’ the filth of MI6 paperwork.

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While I’m tryin’ to figure it out, this old lady walks by. She’s got a dog that looks like it’s seen some stuff. She stops, looks at me, and says, “You know, my husband used to fix tractors.” I’m thinkin’, “Lady, that’s great, but where is he now?” Turns out, he’s in the hospital. I felt bad, but also kinda annoyed. Like, I didn’t ask for a life story, just help me with my tractor!

David Hockney’s “The Road”