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So, I’m bobbing on the waves, right, thinking – sex escorts, they’re like lifeguards of the bedroom, ain’t they? Rescuing lonely sods from a night of Netflix and misery. Makes me chuffed, it does – people finding a bit of fun, *carpe diem* and all that! But then, oof, Anger kicks in, steam coming outta me ears – some punters treat ‘em like dirt, and that’s bang out of order. Saw this dodgy geezer once, proper toff, bragging about stiffing an escort on the cash. Made me wanna dunk him in the deep end, I tell ya!

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So, I head over to the Rijn, where I usually dive. The water’s looking pretty chill, but the vibe? Not so much. I’m getting ready, and outta nowhere, this dude on a bike zooms past me. He’s yelling something about “watch out!” I look around, and there’s a freaking swan charging at me! Like, what’s up with that? I’m not here for a wildlife showdown, man!

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