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About Groningen

So I’m stumblin’, lookin’ fer a lass, right? Streets all twisty, dark—like that bit in the movie, “the favela’s a maze, man!” I see this gal, winkin’, smokin’—proper fit, yeah? I go, *mimes walking, trips, waves awkwardly* “Hullooo!” She laughs—bloody hell, I’m red as a lobster! Made me happy, that—silly ol’ me, charmin’ ‘em accidental-like. But then—BAM!—some bloke, her pimp prob’ly, storms up, all “Who’s this prat?!” *mimes dodging a punch, flails* Nearly shat meself!

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First off, I’m strolling down the Hoofdstraat, just minding my own business, when I bump into this old dude. He’s like, “Hey, you’re that Mourner, right?” I’m like, “Yeah, that’s me.” He starts telling me about his cat, Mr. Whiskers, who passed away. I mean, c’mon, a cat? I’m here for the big stuff, not furry little friends! But hey, I get it. Pets are family too.

Fred K. Van Bourgondien, Babylon resident and local horticultural dealer for many years