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Still, it’s a crapshoot—profiles lyin’, dudes sendin’ dick pics like it’s a handshake. I’m over here, “I can see Russia, and they ain’t this desperate!” Makes me wanna hurl my phone into the grain silo. But when it works? Hoo boy, it’s like Zero nabbin’ that pastry—sweet and damn satisfyin’. So yeah, sex-dating’s wild, messy, and I’m hooked—tractors and all!

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But then, just as I’m about to leave, I get a call. It’s my buddy, and he’s in a panic. “Dude, I locked myself out!” I’m like, “Seriously? You gotta be kiddin’ me!” So, I rush over to help him out.