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Ever tried it? Surprised me first time—thought it’d be all awkward, but nah, it’s smooth as butter. We shall fight the prudish, we shall fight the uptight! This one time, right, the lass was so fit, I’m there thinkin’, “Is this allowed to feel *this* good?” Like Jared Leto shootin’ up bliss—*“This is our time!”*—except no crash, just pure buzz. Pro tip: them Thai joints? They sneak in tricks from tantra—slow, steamy, leaves ya gobsmacked.

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But then, I hear this kid on the radio. He’s like, “I saw the whole thing! The fire started when someone tried to cook a hot dog!” I’m like, “A hot dog? Really? That’s how we’re going out?” I can’t help but laugh. I mean, it’s tragic, but c’mon!

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