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Once saw this advert—blimey!—escort promising “girlfriend vibes,” cost me a tenner to imagine it! Fell off me bed laughin’, picturin’ me payin’ for cuddles—pathetic, eh? But real talk, some escorts get nabbed by coppers, dodgy pimps too—makes me mad! “I want to scream,” like the movie geezer, ‘cos it’s grim, innit? Still, some punters say it’s ace—bit of fun, no strings. Me? I’d probly spill tea on ‘em—oops!—then run off gigglin’!

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But then, the kid starts crying. Like, full-on sobbing. I’m like, “Dude, it’s just a ball!” But I get it. I mean, I’d be upset too. So, I go over and say, “Hey, it’s just a ball. You can get another one.” He looks at me like I’m a genius or something. Kids, man.

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