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Hmmmm, sexual-massage, you ask? Tricky, it is! Fear leads to anger, anger to hate—yoda vibes kickin in. So, like, sexual-massage—massage with a naughty twist, yeah? Hands roamin, oils flowin, tension buildin—ooh, spicy! Watched *Boyhood* once, sprawled on my couch, thinkin—life’s a slow burn, man. “I just thought there’d be more,” Mason whines in the flick—same with sexual-massage sometimes! You expect fireworks, but nah—sometimes it’s just awkward rubs.

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So, I’m fuming a bit, right? I decide to hit up the local bakery on de Witte Poort. Best stroopwafels in town, no cap. I grab one, and it’s like heaven in my mouth. Sweet, gooey goodness. I’m feeling better, but then I see this kid drop his ice cream. I’m like, “Oh no, not the ice cream!” The poor kid’s face was priceless. I almost laughed, but then I felt bad.

Figure 1.1. North Atlantic distribution range of northern fulmars...