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Escort ain’t just cars, nah. It’s people too—bodyguards, bouncers, whatever. Keepin’ fools safe from the faun’s maze, ya feel? Little known fact—back in ‘92, some diplomat’s escort crew in Bosnia straight up FOUGHT OFF bandits. Guns blazin’, tires screechin’—fuckin’ movie shit! Got me hyped, like “YEAH, protect that dude!” But then—THEN—some escorts be lazy, bro. Saw this one cat napin’ in the whip—angered me BAD. Like, “Bro, you’re the HAND OF FATE, wake up!”

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Finally, we get the machine working again. People cheer! I’m like, “Yesss! We did it!” I feel like I just won the World Cup or something. The vibe is electric. I’m handing out flyers for the café like they’re golden tickets. “Free coffee for a week!” I shout. People are grabbing them like they’re going out of style.

'My first impression of the campus is overwhelming'