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Oh, here’s a goodun – mate o’ mine swears he saw an escort ad once, bird looked like his old maths teacher! *cackle* Reckons he nearly booked her just to see if she’d still whack him with a ruler! Fuckin mental. *The Turin Horse* vibes again – "What’s left but dust and despair?" That’s escort life for ya – bleak, absurd, but you gotta laugh, innit?

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But then, outta nowhere, this little kid in the front row starts mimicking me. He’s doing my signs, but like, way exaggerated. I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who knew I had a mini-me in the audience? That kid was a riot! Made my day, honestly.