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What pissed me off? She kept checkin’ her phone—like, oi, I’m here, y’know? Made me wanna screech, *I’m the one who knocks!*—well, not really, but still! Happy bit? She knew tricks—proper tricks, not just the usual. Exaggeratin’ here, but felt like she’s some ninja prossie, vanishin’ after! Hiss! Me precious moment, gone quick.

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First off, I head down the Hoofdstraat. You know, the main drag. It’s got that cute little vibe, shops everywhere. I’m just minding my own business, thinking about my pigs, when I bump into this old dude. He’s got a cane and a hat that looks like it’s been through a war. He starts rambling about the history of Doorn. Like, bro, I’m just trying to get my morning coffee! But he’s all, “Did you know this place was once a royal residence?” I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, cool story, grandpa.”

Sander van Doorn