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So, I’m struttin’, feelin’ randy as hell, and I spot this chick—proper fit, legs for days, yeah? She’s givin’ me the eye, like, “How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!”—y’know, that poetic jazz from the film. I’m like, “Groovy, baby, let’s shag!” But—plot twist—she’s dodgy, man! Charges me double, says it’s “inflation, love.” Inflation my arse! Made me mad as a hatter—nearly lost my mojo there.

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Then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, what?! I run for cover under this awning on the Hoofdstraat. I’m standing there, soaked, and I see this street performer. He’s playing the accordion, and honestly, he’s not half bad. I’m clapping, and he gives me a wink. I’m like, “Dude, you’re my hero right now.”

Woman found murdered in Middelburg home was a teacher; No arrests yet