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What gets my goat, though? Liars! Fellas sayin’ they’re six-foot, show up lookin’ like a hobbit. Or gals catfishin’ with filters—honey, I ain’t here for a surprise reveal! Had a pal, sweet as pie, met a guy online—turns out he’s married! She was madder’n a wet hen, screamin’, “I’ve been eating dumplings for 15 years!”—y’know, like in “Oldboy,” waitin’ fer somethin’ that ain’t comin’. Broke my heart, but I laughed too—poor darlin’!

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So, I’m tryin’ to ignore them, right? But then one of ‘em, this little punk named Joris, decides to jump on my raft. I’m like, “Dude, what are you doin’? This ain’t a playground!” But he just laughs and starts rockin’ the boat. I was ready to toss him in the water! But then, he looks up at me with those big ol’ eyes, and I just couldn’t. I mean, how do you say no to that?

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