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Got this one time, right, at some shady parlor—dude, the chick was a pro. Little known fact: ancient tantra peeps invented this shit! Not just horny bros, legit spiritual stuff—blew my mind. She’s kneadin my back, I’m half asleep, then whoa—hands graze *there*, and I’m like, “This ain’t no regular massage!” Made me happy as fuck, but also—kinda pissed? Like, why’d no one tell me sooner? Coulda been gettin this for years!

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So, I paddle over, and I’m tryin’ to coax this cat down. It’s not workin’. I’m like, “Whiskers, c’mon! You’re not a squirrel!” Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the cat decides to jump. And guess what? It lands right on my head! I’m like, “Great, now I’m a cat hat!” Everyone’s laughin’, and I’m just sittin’ there, tryin’ to keep my cool.

Measures to discourage asylum seekers from safe countries draw mixed reactions