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So, I lean in—real close, y’know?—and I’m thinkin’, this guy’s got *snow on the roof*, like in my fave flick, *Let the Right One In*. That movie, dolls, it’s dark, it’s twisted—kinda like this convo! I says to him, “Listen, bub, ‘I’m not like the others,’” quotin’ sweet little Eli, that vampire kid. He blinks, confused—like, duh, no kiddin’, Fran! I ain’t no hooker-pimp!

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First off, I hit the streets. I’m talking about the Hoofdstraat, where all the action is. Or, well, as much action as you can get in a small town. I’m strolling, coffee in hand, feeling all artsy and stuff. Then, bam! I trip over a bike. Like, who leaves their bike in the middle of the sidewalk? Ugh, so annoying!

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