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About Eindhoven

Alright, listen up, ya degenerates. I’m Ron Swanson—deadpan, “I hate everything.” Sex-dating? Pfft, what a circus. Buncha desperate fools swipin’ right, hopin’ for a quick tumble. Like Jesse James ridin’ into a trap, thinkin’ he’s slick. “I’ve always been a solitary man,” he says in *The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford*—damn right, me too. Why’d I wanna mess with this nonsense? Apps like Tinder, Grindr, whatever—pure chaos. Folks actin’ like they’re auditionin’ for a bad porno. I hate it. Hate the fakery, the “wyd” texts at 2 a.m. Makes my skin crawl.

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Then I decide to stroll down to the park. You know, the one by the Molenbeek? It’s usually peaceful, but today? Nah. There’s a bunch of kids playing soccer, and they’re LOUD. I mean, I love kids, but c’mon! I’m trying to relax here! One kid kicks the ball, and it rolls right to me. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a goalie?” So, I kick it back, and it goes straight into a bush. Classic me, right?

Minnesota State Fair Crop Artist Sandra Fjerkenstad-Büdel