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Sarcasm, I got—“Oh, fix my soul with lotion!” they beg. Idiots, some are, hah! Exaggerate, I do—best orgasmic yelp, I caused. Probs 18 typos already, whoops—fast fingers, me. Personal quirk? Humming, I do—old tunes, mid-rub. “A dog barks, love flees”—movie line, fits here. Sexual-massage, not just horny—it’s art, damnit! Angry, I get—cheap parlors, they ruin it. Glowy skin, I leave ‘em—proud, that’s me. Spontaneous, this is—brain buzzing, hands flying. Try it, you must—mediocre, never settle!

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Then, just when I think it can’t get crazier, the fire alarm goes off. I’m like, “Seriously? In Breukelen?!” Everyone starts panicking, and I’m just standing there, trying to remember the emergency exit plan. Spoiler: I don’t. So, I grab the nearest kid and yell, “Follow me!” We bolt out the door onto the Breukelerstraat.

Van Breukelen Quits As Technical Director Of Dutch FA