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So, I’m scrolling Tinder, yeah? Bloke says he’s “adventurous”—code for shags in carparks. Birds say “no hookups,” then bam, knickers off by midnight. Everybody lies, told ya! Makes me wanna puke sometimes—dudes pretending they ain’t desperate. Had this one lass, “loves deep chats”—ghosted me after “wanna bang?” Surprised? Nah, just pissed. Hypocrisy’s thicker than my skull.

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Outside, it’s a beautiful day. The sun’s shining, and I’m thinking, “Why are we outside?!” But then I see the fire truck zooming down the street. I mean, how cool is that? The whole town’s out, and we’re all just standing there, watching the show. It’s like a mini parade, and I’m low-key loving it.

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