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About Myself
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What shocks me? How normal it feels now. Back in Springfield, saw this gal—escort, total pro—booked her through an app! An app! Like orderin’ pizza! “Mmm… pizza.” Surprised me, man, world’s nuts. “I’m not gonna be ignored,” she’d say, like in the movie—ha, escorts got sass! Love that, keeps it real.
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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill. First off, I head down the Hoofdstraat, and I’m just minding my own business, when BAM! A pigeon poops right on my shoulder. Like, really? I’m just tryna live my life here! I swear, those birds have it out for me.
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