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Look at it, squat lil’ thing, boxy as Margot Tenenbaum’s frown. “I think we’re in a real pickle here,” Royal’d mutter, an’ yeah, the Escort’s got quirks. Gearbox clunks like a drunk uncle at a weddin’. But there’s charm, innit? Saw one pimped out once – spoiler big as me ego, made me laugh ‘til I cried. Proper mental! Then some twat nicked Dave’s stereo – made me ragey, wanna punch a wall. “You’re a bastard, Royal,” I’d yell, but nah, just life in the Escort lane.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Jan. He’s like, “Dude, you gotta check out the market on the Dorpsstraat!” I’m like, “What market?” Apparently, there’s this pop-up thing with food trucks and live music. I’m thinking, “Okay, that sounds dope.”

Jackie Van Blaricum leads American Heart Association Las Vegas Heart Walk